Thursday, July 20, 2017

That Final Day on the Beach

Two weeks ago tomorrow, I was having one of those days. Those days that are hard to explain because they happen so rarely. Nothing seemed to make me happy and nothing, to be honest, was going my way. I tried to put on a smile as I attended a gorgeous wedding on the beach where words can't describe that perfect sunset. This was the type of wedding that I had always dreamed of when I was younger. Food was being cooked right in the sand as the bride and groom said their vows, the weather was a little chilly but the sunset made up for everything on the exterior. My forced smile popped out here and there but only because I would be focusing in that moment and not of the others that surrounded me. I had dropped my phone somewhere between my parked car and the beach and didn't have the energy or strength to grind through the sand and do a full-on search. It was rather nice at times to not have my phone but the awkardness around me made me wish I had it. All those colors of the sunset stand vividly in my mind as I have nothing to remind me of that day. The most awkward part of that night was myself. For some reason, I didn't have the mental capacity to put on a smile throughout the night and mingle like I normally would have. Like I said, this night was hard to explain. Although he didn't have to assist in a wedding that was not as organized as it should have been, he still did and I appreciate him for that. At the same time, I still have those moments where I flash back to me awkwardly standing there, waiting for the night to end so I didn't have to talk with strangers or pretend like I was having fun. On the inside, I was miserable, insecure, and not happy. I was surrounded by pretty women who wore the perfect summer dresses, short shorts, and smiles were everywhere. There friend had just got married. I know that I did not leave with a happy impression by the couple, and for that, I apologize. I really, truly, wanted to be happy that day. I went home from work and dressed up as much as I could. I wore a brand new dress and did my make-up and hair. Although I felt rushed, I felt confident. Until I saw him. There were no compliments or words spoken about how amazing I looked, how I took the time to do my hair, took the time to do my make-up, how exciting this beach wedding was going to be, and how much fun we would be spending together. Maybe I wanted my real life to be the fantasy of a beach wedding. Maybe I wanted my real life to be princesses and fairy tales for just one night. I wanted the insecurities to go away. I have always been a happy person even through trials and tribulations (to say the least). So to spend the past few hours, or may even days, I'm not sure at this point, feeling insecure and alone, it was a very odd place to be. Then he left me. He went to help with the food and would disappear for 30 minutes at a time. I stood there, once again, with my fake smile, pretending I was happy inside. Standing by the wood-burning fire and hoping that it would distract me from all of my surroundings. Not looking at anybody. Then I saw her. She was confident, she had on short shorts, and she was talking to him. Over and over. Her confidence radiated off of him as of I was non-existent. I stood there motionless, feeling nothing but pain and sadness. She had a truck. She had confidence. She was skinny. She seemed happy. She was helpful. What more could he want? She had almost everything that I had once been. I had been confident. I have been successful. I still feel successful. I have accomplished a lot of things that others haven't. Yet, here I was, now asking him for a ride home, crying for two hours and wondering what was wrong with me. Where had I left my soul? Why did my soul leave me? All I knew was the following day, he had left me. In the past two weeks I have been able to focus on that security, that success, my health, but part of me is missing. I'm not sure if it my soul that once was.....or if it is him.

Monday, July 10, 2017

An Eye for an Eye


According to the most unreliable website created, Wikipedia, "An eye for an eye, or the law of retaliation, is the principle that a person who has injured another person is to be penalized to a similar degree, or in softer interpretations, the victim receives the (estimated) value of the injury in compensation." At age 31, I have realized that I have based the majority of my life on this motto. I am not a mean person per-say but, when someone is mean to me, instead of taking it as criticism, I usually fire back with something meaner and worse than the original statement.

I am not sure where this retaliation came from, maybe how hurt I have been in the past by people that were close to me, accepting criticism as hatred, not good enough, being someone I'm not. Isn't that what criticism is? You are okay or accepting of something that someone else isn't? You enjoy the lifestyle you are living at the moment but someone else wants to take away that happiness?

Whether it's eating late at night, not taking enough time to get ready in the morning, not doing my hair, not shaving enough, how I look pregnant, how my car is a mess, how I am terrible at directions, how my teeth are yellow, how terrible my memory is, how I am a bad influence because I have tattoos.

whew. What an exhausting list. And that has all happened in the past 10 years. Now this all makes sense. I do my own thing. I enjoy being different, unique, standing out. What I don't enjoy is criticism. This isn't a pity party, this is my life.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

The Big Adventure of 2017

1/4/17:

For as long as I can remember, New Year's has been a time to set goals - and end up accomplishing very few. It wasn't that I am not motivated or determined to accomplish them, it's just that my goals were so far out there. For years on end my goal was to get engaged. Engaged? We should start off work "Have a boyfriend." Some goals were silly, some were more serious like losing weight. Or saving money. The problem was, I wanted to save $5,000 yet couldn't stop spending money at the casino. I would lose weight by April and reach my goal weight but by December I would be right back up again. Goals should be reasonable actions and possibly within a shorter time frame. This year, I was surprised that I didn't set any concrete goals. Of course I still want to lose weight and others, but this year has mainly been stepping back and analyzing my life. I want to be surrounded by people who are positive, who keep me happy and vice versa. Who truly value and care about me. I just spent ten days in California. I know my family here cares about me and loves me (obviously) but it's so different being out there and spending time with family that I only usually see once or twice a year. I want to live a life that is fun because, honestly, why should I wait until I retire to have fun? I see life, not as working your ass off now, but balancing a life now so that you don't regret waiting 50+ years to live your life.

1/20/17:

With that being said, I have decided to start over with my life, give myself a clean slate and enjoy the adventures that life has to offer. I will be moving to California on February 13th. Living in Utah, the snow has taken a toll on me. I want to drive on the highway and see the ocean out my window, I want to spend time with my grandparents, and laugh constantly with my cousin. I have had 31 years of taking care of others, making sure my brother and sister knew that I would be there for them growing up, making sure I was close to my family. I don't want that aspect to change. I can still be close with my family and see them as often as possible. I have been saying for years that I want to move to California but the opportunity never arose. As most of you know, I sold my condo in November and I have been spending the past few months with my friend Ashley. I was having a condo built and it was planning to be done in February. After speaking to my Mom and my boyfriend, we figured that now would be the perfect time to go to California. I haven't moved in to my new condo and I was able to cancel the contract, I moved out of my old condo and paid off all of my debts.

Now is the perfect time for adventure and I can't wait to see what life has in store for me.
x0x0

Friday, January 6, 2017

Freebies 2017

BYU Shirt + Carwash (Used)
Free Nose Wax (Used)
Five Family Card Games ($41 value)
High Chair Bib(gave away)
A pack of Sour Jacks Wildberry :) (Ate)
$25 T.J. Maxx card and Wooden Chalkboard Sign (Received)
Gift Card to The Sweet Tooth Fairy (Gave to Alexis)
Peds Giveaway (10 3-packs of socks!!)
A puzzle globe (received)
An Easter necklace (received)
A carseat valued at $199
Two tickets to an Antique Show in Paso Robles(used and LOVED)
Pink tablet with keyboard
Mini Facial from R&F (received)
Stainless Steel Tea Infuser with Spoon (Gave to Susy)
Vitamins from IdealShape (received)
$25 Fandango Gift Card (received)
Self-Tanner (received)
YETI Rambler from ACE
Small recording device $30 value
Nutrition Giveaway
Phone Carrier as a Bike Mount
A $5 credit on my Macey's account (Pleasant Grove, provide phone number and $5 will be applied)
Two night stay at Silver Legacy Resort Casino
·         Dinner and a show at Eldorado Resort Casino
·         Midway Passes and Breakfast at Circus Circus Reno (USED)





Saturday, November 19, 2016

My New Life - Part Two

On March 20, 2012, I signed for my first condo. As I sit here today, I am reminiscing on all of the memories that I have built, through good times and bad, as my house will be sold in six days. I have decided to sell my home and build a condo in Saratoga Springs. Overall, it puts me in a better Financial situation and if there is anything I can do to better myself and move forward in life, I am there. In less than two weeks, over Thanksgiving, I will be in California with my grandparents and cousins. My biggest fear is coming back and forgetting that I don't have a permanent home until my condo is complete the end of January(ish). I know it will be hard. Although I wouldn't consider myself highly materialistic, I have clung to my home as my peaceful spot. It's my go-to when I am anxious, it's my go-to when I want to relax, it's something that I have been able to create and build on my own. It's something that I have claimed as mine. I have built it into something that I am happy with. I do get anxious when huge changes happen. In 2012 I went through a huge bout of anxiety/depression. Although the changes were positive (graduated with my Bachelor's degree, moved into my condo, got a new job all within 8 months), I never want to go back to that point of high anxiety. I had social anxiety, I missed three days of work, didn't go out much, and it was the hardest thing I have gone through up to this point. Since I have been through that, I have been trying to control my anxiety and my emotions. The last few months - since deciding to sell and build - have been extremely chaotic and stressful. Although I am nervous to move, have a temporary place to live for two months, and hope that my new condo is built by the end of January, I have to think of the positive and balance my life in order to make it through this. I know I am making the right decision but, sometimes it's hard. I am not one to jump out of my comfort zone immediately. This year has been full of changes and stepping out of my comfort zone. Not only am I selling my home, but building a new home, I voted for the first time ever, I went to concerts even though I had no idea who the artist was, went hiking which I never do, and went indoor go-kart racing. Stepping out of my comfort zone has been amazing but it's still scary. This is scary, stressful, and exhausting but I'm hoping that once things get situated, I'll go back to the happy and positive Abbie that I know. The unknown is scary. I put too much belief in the fact that everything will go right but I have to prepare myself for roadblocks during this process. Any positive words or word of motivation to help push me in the right direction will be super helpful.

Thanks for your support,
x0

Sunday, November 13, 2016

IntelliDent Review - Toothbrush Shield

The last few months have been highly chaotic. Unfortunately, my toothbrush has been the last thing on my mind. I have found my toothbrush on my bathroom counter, on my kitchen counter, in plastic bags, in my suitcase, and in my bathroom drawer. Every time I found my toothbrush, it was not protected with a plastic cap or in my toothbrush holder. I cannot imagine all of the germs that have been on my toothbrush lately. Luckily I found IntelliDent and their Toothbrush Shield which helps to replace plastic covers and eliminates germs after use.

This product was super easy to use (as demonstrated in the photos below). With my Toothbrush Shields, I received a simple card that explained how-to-use the shields and why they were created. The Toothbrush Shield packet contained one shield. I opened the packet and placed it over my toothbrush to help protect against germs. The shield lasts up to 7 days before having to replace and I feel more peaceful knowing that the majority of germs are eliminated with each shield. In fact, according to their website, the shield is "Laboratory tested to be a 99.9% effective barrier against surface and airborne bacteria."

Over Thanksgiving I am traveling to California. The last few trips I have taken I have either cancelled due to being sick or started getting sick while there. Protecting my toothbrush will help with germs and sickness. These are perfect for families, travel, or anyone that wants to make sure their mouth, teeth, and health are protected!







IntelliDent also provides shields for your MouthGuard. The MouthGuard Shield, "wicks away moisture and provides a barrier from the harmful germs and bacterial that lie in locker rooms, community living spaces, dormitory rooms, or while traveling." Both the MouthGuard Shield and Toothbrush Shield are available on QVC and on their website HERE

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Marriage.

Let me start out by saying I have never been married so I may be the wrong person to write a blog about marriage. I have been around for a long time, 30 years to be exact, and I have seen amazing relationships and I have seen relationships fall apart right before my eyes - my past relationships included.

I have learned a few things by watching my relationships fail along with watching friends go through marriages, divorces, marriages, and relationships. Once again, although I have never been married, I do know that relationships and marriages have changed over time. When I was growing up, I felt like I was surrounded by positive and successful marriages. My Mom and Dad were married for 17 years before my Dad passed away, my Nana and Papa have been married for 30 years, my grandparents have been married 50 years, and most of my family relationships and marriages have been successful.

I think it was a few years ago when I started to realize that marriage is not the same. Marriage is not Marriage. Marriage for some is....."I will love you until we fight", "I will love you until I find someone better", "I will love you until I get annoyed by you", "I will love you until I know someone else is readily available", "I will love you until I know I can go out with friends and meet a new love". Marriage has stipulations. I believe in traditional marriage. I believe in long-term marriage.

But life isn't always that way. Sometimes you want something that someone else doesn't want,  want something that may exist for me now but may not exist in five years from now, I understand that feelings change, I understand that decisions change, I understand that life is hard. How do you know that any marriage, YOUR marriage, will 100% survive?

What really makes your relationship last?
Your faith? Your willingness to commit? Your level of commitment? Through thick and thin? Listening to your spouse? Loving your spouse? Going through tough times? Relying on each other? Success?

Before you move forward with divorce, before you move forward with breaking up with someone, really think about what really makes your relationship last. Marriage needs to be real again. Marriage needs to be something that we think about long-term. Marriage needs to be what it is there to be - a commitment.

Just writing down some thoughts.
x0x0

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About Me

I'm Abbie. I am 28 years old and live in Utah. I love Social Media, Marketing, shopping, sports, traveling, shopping, giveaways, family, fashion, and currently writing a book.