Thursday, June 25, 2015

I thought I was a Failure Until I Realized......

I'm just human. I have flaws. I try to keep my house clean but it isn't always clean. Same with my car. I don't take a lot of time to get ready in the morning but I still try to look, feel, and smell good. I sometimes speak my mind or say things I don't mean. But I'm only human.

I fully understand now why people wait so long to get into a relationship. Or even a new relationship. I understand why time is so important. Two break-ups in less than a year is something I do not ever want to face again. I honestly am at the point where I don't trust anyone enough to date them. I literally told my cousin tonight I wanted to buy a one way ticket to California with no intention of coming back home. The reasoning was so that I wouldn't have to face life. Or face reality. Basically live a dream with no money and not sure where life would take me. A few hours later and I'm stepping back. Realizing that, yes, I do want to move, I do want to start over, I do want a new life, but this is me. I'm still the same person. Life is about learning. Learning what you deserve and what you don't deserve. This time I let things get way out of hand.

Have you ever met someone and felt almost immediately that this person could be the one for you? I had never felt that until three months ago. I spoke with this "dream man" on the phone, we had so much in common, we both liked each other, we both wanted a long-lasting marriage. Unfortunately that marriage was not with each other. Last week Kylan and I went to Las Vegas to celebrate his 30th birthday. Usually, after three months, a vacation is a "make or break" with a relationship. Although, before this trip, we were exclusive, we never had a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" title. Until Vegas. He called me his girlfriend. Several times. He told me he loved me. He told me I would be an amazing wife. Things that I have NEVER heard in the past. Or never heard until I spoke about them first.

Then we come home. He doesn't talk to me. Doesn't want to see me. No idea what I did until he drafted out this whole list on what things "weren't". Things that included: I didn't take long enough to get ready in the morning, we can't force love, we aren't on the same page, aren't connecting, just to name a few.

What?!

He just told me he loved me. I didn't say it back but that didn't mean I didn't felt it. I'm sorry that I didn't take an hour to get ready like you did, I'm sorry that I didn't say I love you back, I'm sorry that we didn't connect although I thought we did. Actually, after all of this, I'm not sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that you are shallow. I'm sorry you are a jerk. I'm sorry that you get angry when you're drunk. And I'm sorry for the next person who dates you.

In the meantime, although temporarily giving up on love, I still believe in it. I believe in marriage. I believe in supporting each other and loving each other. I believe in the person that I am and my personality. It takes simple changes for me to change my habits but it takes a hell of a lot longer to change a personality.

xoxo.

3 comments:

  1. What a jerk! Abby, you are an inspiration and an absolutely amazing gal. That boy was lucky that you gave him the time of day and clearly didn't deserve you. As of being human... not spending tons of time getting ready... not always having a clean home... I'm right there with ya! You will find a guy that gets YOU. Love ya girl!

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  3. Truth is, he's a jerk and I'm glad he agrees ;) I'm with you when you say that you feel bad for the next person he dates. He is definitely definitely toxic and not the right one for you.

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About Me

I'm Abbie. I am 28 years old and live in Utah. I love Social Media, Marketing, shopping, sports, traveling, shopping, giveaways, family, fashion, and currently writing a book.