Friday, August 28, 2015

To the couple in front of me at the Luke Bryan concert --

It seemed like I was watching a movie. I had Luke Bryan on stage engaging the crowd with his handsome face, funny personality, and alcoholic shots on-stage. About an hour into his performance, a couple appeared diagnol from me. Seeing as how I like to write and be creative, I completely pictured their story as it unraveled in front of me. She seemed way more into him initially. My guess is they had dated before, weren't now, but after a few drinks, you never would have known. Her arms were around him perfectly as Luke Bryan poured out one love song after another. At one point, they kissed. You could tell it's been awhile since they had kissed. Or there was a lot of tension to make this one more intense than others. I could feel the spark as it happened. After that, you could tell that he was letting his guard down more and was actually more into her. He was paying attention to her. Electronics were nowhere to be found and it was just them. They made out again. So romantic.

Then it hit me. Most likely, once the drinks died down, they would go back to arguing, go back to not dating, go back to the off-and-on of their relationship - as I saw it. I looked over at Luke Bryan. He was singing, "I'm drunk on you and high on summertime" and right then, I realized how much fun this summer has been. And how much I need to enjoy the summer. One day I will have a man that will love me but I want him to love me before a concert, before the craziness of life, during the drama, after the drama and after a night of an amazing concert full of love and emotion. I have realized that the last few weeks, I may not be extremely happy, but I am content. I am where I want to be for being single. I am okay with being by myself. I am learning to do things on my own. I am learning to not rely or trust guys 100%. I am completely guarding my heart.

Two weeks ago, Teddy stopped talking to me completely. He ignored my texts and phone calls. Normally I would go after him but why would I do that? It's so elementary to beg someone for a friendship or a relationship. One week ago I had another friend that didn't want to hang out because he thought I liked him. I am so over drama. I am so over elementary childish play. I am waiting. I am waiting for someone who wants me. Someone who wants to be with me and love me.

Here I am on a Friday night, just took a 3 hour nap and now watching "He's Just Not That Into You". Maybe I can learn a thing or two. But in all seriousness, I am content. I am okay. I am me.


Tuesday, August 18, 2015

A Never-Ending Cycle

Every blog I have written seems to have the same message. I like a guy, I drop everything, I put 100% of my effort and time into him.....and then he breaks my heart. Story of my life. I'm not writing this to be pitied or negative. I'm just writing this to be realistic. With the guy in my previous post, once again, spending time with him was amazing. He treated me so good and we laughed ALL the time. At least within a three week time span. Now in this case, he never said he didn't want to see me or he didn't like me, or have a lame reason (such as I don't take long enough to get ready) of why he didn't want to see me. In fact, I truly don't know at this exact moment if he does or does not like me. I hardly saw him last week. In fact, just a few hours, lunch on Saturday, in which he invited me. I never asked him if he wanted to hang out. I had assumed that I wouldn't see him that day because I had the Shania Twain concert and had to leave around 5:30. We spoke around 3:30. Thank goodness he lives in Pleasant Grove so meeting up was easy. It was nice. It was fun. And he kissed me when he left.

It's only Tuesday but I haven't heard from him since Saturdays lunch. We were texting or calling or talking every day. I had texted him Saturday night and Sunday. Called him Sunday. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Of course we all know from my past blogs that I over analyze everything until I find out an answer on "why". So in the meantime I keep thinking about those few hours during lunch. Did I say something or wear something or do something that he didn't like? I keep repeating that situation over and over in my head. We laughed like we always did. He wasn't mad at me. He kissed me when he left. If he was mad, he wouldn't kiss me, right? I didn't ask for a kiss. He told me to have fun at the concert. That was it.

I deleted him from Facebook and deleted his number because I had to. He posted on Facebook yesterday but ignores me. I'm not his #1. We weren't officially dating so he doesn't have to check-in, doesn't have to message me or call me. I'm not his girlfriend. But I did like him so, one again, going through heartbreak. This time is different though. I was trying hard to "let things happen" and although I tried, I feel like I did better than in the past. I guess all of this is just a lesson learned for me. There are always things I could do better and learn in relationships, or even investing my time in someone.

As much as I want to give a guy my 100% support, love, happiness, and entire self, I can't lose myself or drop everything. I have to take things slow, not try and define things after one or two weeks, and not stop or change what I'm doing to satisfy that person.

My husband will be lucky. He will have every once of me. Every ounce of what I am willing to give. When that time is ready.


Monday, August 3, 2015

Positive Vibes and Positive Minds

A lot of positive things have happened in the past few weeks and I really don't know where to start. I have been focusing more on relationships - real life, face to face, relationships. I have been focusing less on being on my phone and computer. I have laughed, loved, and had so much fun. Life is so much better when you build and create long-lasting memories.

I have learned that girlfriends - or "wifeys", "W4L"s - whatever you want to call them, are mandatory. There are only three months of summer and I'm striving to enjoy every second. Andrea is one of my best friends. We have been able to build an amazing relationship the past few months - from Snapchats, to dancing, to singing, to crazy stalkers, to laughing, to wifey, to the Lady A/Sam Hunt/Hunter Hayes concert, to Target trips, McDonalds trips, love, and being in the same position in life. She is truly someone that I care about so much.

Then there are the men. You know they always say that things, love, relationships, whatever it may be, occurs when you least expect it. I am not in a relationship but there is one person, one man, in particular who can't wipe my smile away. He makes me happy. I'm not rushing things. I have rushed relationships before and it was destroyed within three months. I am learning to take things as they come and just enjoy the company - even if nothing happens or even if we haven't discussed relationships.

Speaking of relationships - past relationships - about a week ago, Kylan messaged me and asked me what his ex-girlfriend said when she talked to me. I told him to ask her. This situation happened a month and a half ago! It's his drama and I am staying out of it. His ex warned me that he wouldn't stop messaging me and so far, she's been right about that. Bye Felicia!

Andrea and I got invited to Latonya's birthday dinner last week. Latonya is another friend, life long friend, that I can share anything with. Even if we don't see each other or talk to each other every day, I care so much about her and her life. Her birthday dinner was on the patio of this Sushi restaurant. Such a perfect environment and amazing night.

Of course weekends have been spent at Gracie's. Last weekend (not this past weekend) was Gracie's both Friday and Saturday night. I'm too old for that but it was way fun both nights. This past weekend was extremely different. It was a ladies night. I went with Krista and Andrea - both in relationships - hoping it would be a good night. I have never had such a bad experience. Music was horrible, DJ was horrible, crowd wasn't the usual, and there weren't as many people as there usually are. Bummer. It was nice being with the ladies though.

I'm so looking forward to this week -
Bees Game (in the Suite)
Baking Chocolate and Peanut Butter Cupcakes
Kenny Chesney Concert

Life is too short to stress, worry, and plan your life out completely. Life will not always go your way. I have learned that the hard way. It has taken me almost a year to fully realize this. But things keep getting better and I'm really starting to enjoy my place in this world.




About Me

I'm Abbie. I am 28 years old and live in Utah. I love Social Media, Marketing, shopping, sports, traveling, shopping, giveaways, family, fashion, and currently writing a book.