Seven Weeks Post Break-Up

It's been exactly seven weeks since Kevin broke up with me. I thought things would get easier and for awhile they were. But man. I went three weeks without crying and then out of NOWHERE I cry. Why? I miss his nieces and nephews lol. I literally cried for hours. I miss little Brookey Babe, Easty Babe, Huddy Buddy, and Cars. So I did let him know. Honestly, I don't care about his relationship. But I did message him and let him know that I missed his family. And he responded back and said he missed my nieces too. And my whole family. I have been thinking the last few days about him. I go out on a date to La Costa or Texas Roadhouse and all I think about is how he used to sit next to me....never across from each other. As I wear my Utah Utes hoodie, I miss going to games with him. Instead, I am sitting at home by myself watching the game. It really isn't fair but I know there is someone out there for me. Someone that I can build memories with. To be honest, when I dated Albert for five years (before Kevin), part of me was hesitant about breaking up with him because of all the memories we had and the close bond I had with his family. But when I did take that step, I never regretted it. And although right now I don't know where my life is going, it doesn't mean that I won't build amazing memories with someone else. My future husband. I do have crushes. I have been more direct and it's getting me in trouble and I KNOW I need to be patient but why is it so hard? I HATE being single. I can't stress that enough. Hate it. Hate it. Hate. Hate. But I won't rush into something just to be in a relationship. I don't even care about that status. I just want to like someone and have them like me back. I want to love someone and have them love me back. I want to be attracted to someone and have them call me "pretty" or "sexy" or "gorgeous" like Kevin did. How can I not compare my dates to Kevin? IN the relationship, he was amazing. I haven't stopped thinking about him since he broke up with me. I think it's because what we had was amazing. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't marriage-worthy. And that's okay. But it's still hard to not compare dates to him. I have higher expectations. Maybe that is why we dated. I believe there is a reason for everything. He was there to set the bar. Realize what I need in my life. What I want in my life. What I deserve in my life. And even though it isn't him, I want someone like him. I just don't want someone that will walk out of my life like he did. Three years is a long time to date. I can't move on like that. I did have a fling/crush for a few weeks but he doesn't want to see me anymore. And even though I have been thinking about him, it's okay. I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. Everyone is saying to use this time and become happy with myself. I am happy with myself. I just want someone to be happy with me.


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