Christmas Holiday - Why am I alone?

The holidays are supposed to be full of happiness and excitement. I have come to the conclusion that I am 82% happy. I am not me. I am not my old self. I miss what was my other half. I miss what was love. I miss what was. I have to stop lying to myself. I miss Kevin. I would never get back with him but I have been thinking about him SO much lately. It's actually pretty ridiculous. I had several dreams about him. One being that he brushed off the fact that he had a girlfriend and wanted to get back with me. He haunts me. I try and move on and there he is. We had a mutual friend on Facebook and I HAD to delete him because I responded to something he said, and right above me was Kevin's comment.

I do enjoy being single. Sometimes. Sometimes, like now, I just want to call someone. I want to tell someone all about my day. I want to snuggle. But I can't. It's just different. And I understand that I need to move on but I think I tried to move on too quickly. I am meant to be single right now. I like a few guys, yeah, but I need someone that needs me and there is not anyone at this point that really needs me. I understand that takes time and it's been almost three months since the breakup. Three months is not long at all! (Especially compared to two weeks which is how quickly he had a "girlfriend")

Last night was my works Christmas party at the Aquarium. Amanda, KC, and the three littles went and we had a BLAST. But, there was that part of me that wanted to go with a date. I wish someone liked me. Like really, really liked me. That is the whole package. According to KC, my perfect man has a reseeding hairline and likes sports. Haha. That seems to be the type of guy I go for.

While I am on the verge of venting, I am *hopefully* a few weeks away from publishing my book. It has been such a hard and long and frustrating process. The publishing that was supposed to take a month and a half has taken 2-3 months and it's not even complete. They wanted me to pay an additional $300 on top of the $1,000 that I just got done paying them because I had 60 images in my book. They were able to cut that in half and I just paid that today. I also had to remove several images for possible copyright issues. They wanted me to get permission from a photography company that took our picture in the 1980's. I didn't know that had to happen nor do I want to go through another process or wait on the process so I just removed the images. Tomorrow I will know if my final document is approved and will move to the next step of Design. My new goal (Even though I wanted this done a year ago) is to have my book published by January 10, 2015 which will be 12 years of my Dad being gone.

I will keep you updated. In the mean time, you can follow updates on my Facebook page:


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