A Never-Ending Cycle

Every blog I have written seems to have the same message. I like a guy, I drop everything, I put 100% of my effort and time into him.....and then he breaks my heart. Story of my life. I'm not writing this to be pitied or negative. I'm just writing this to be realistic. With the guy in my previous post, once again, spending time with him was amazing. He treated me so good and we laughed ALL the time. At least within a three week time span. Now in this case, he never said he didn't want to see me or he didn't like me, or have a lame reason (such as I don't take long enough to get ready) of why he didn't want to see me. In fact, I truly don't know at this exact moment if he does or does not like me. I hardly saw him last week. In fact, just a few hours, lunch on Saturday, in which he invited me. I never asked him if he wanted to hang out. I had assumed that I wouldn't see him that day because I had the Shania Twain concert and had to leave around 5:30. We spoke around 3:30. Thank goodness he lives in Pleasant Grove so meeting up was easy. It was nice. It was fun. And he kissed me when he left.

It's only Tuesday but I haven't heard from him since Saturdays lunch. We were texting or calling or talking every day. I had texted him Saturday night and Sunday. Called him Sunday. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Of course we all know from my past blogs that I over analyze everything until I find out an answer on "why". So in the meantime I keep thinking about those few hours during lunch. Did I say something or wear something or do something that he didn't like? I keep repeating that situation over and over in my head. We laughed like we always did. He wasn't mad at me. He kissed me when he left. If he was mad, he wouldn't kiss me, right? I didn't ask for a kiss. He told me to have fun at the concert. That was it.

I deleted him from Facebook and deleted his number because I had to. He posted on Facebook yesterday but ignores me. I'm not his #1. We weren't officially dating so he doesn't have to check-in, doesn't have to message me or call me. I'm not his girlfriend. But I did like him so, one again, going through heartbreak. This time is different though. I was trying hard to "let things happen" and although I tried, I feel like I did better than in the past. I guess all of this is just a lesson learned for me. There are always things I could do better and learn in relationships, or even investing my time in someone.

As much as I want to give a guy my 100% support, love, happiness, and entire self, I can't lose myself or drop everything. I have to take things slow, not try and define things after one or two weeks, and not stop or change what I'm doing to satisfy that person.

My husband will be lucky. He will have every once of me. Every ounce of what I am willing to give. When that time is ready.



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