Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
Photo Credit: Amazon

If I could go back in time, back to my teenage years, back to when I only read books in school because I was forced to, I wish I could have forced myself to read this one book - Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. I read this book at age 32 and, looking back, everything that I put myself through in my dating life is all spelled out in this book. Although maybe my younger self may have not understood the book the way I do now. After experiencing many of the ups and downs, the positive and negative situations, I believe that without these life experiences, I wouldn't be where I am today. I have actually found someone that appreciates and loves me for me and my flaws, who has more confidence in me than I have in myself, who is my support and one of my best friends.

If you don't like truth, especially in dating and relationships, you may find this book very difficult to read. It discusses mature topics - so maybe I wasn't ready for all of this in my late teens to early 20's. But if I could go back and give myself any advice in my early 20's, it would have been to realize my worth. To realize that I am worth far more than embarrassing relationships, verbal put-downs, to understand and accept what guys meant when they said, "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" (FYI, that means they either aren't ready for a relationship or don't want to date you), and to see the signs of a man - why they do and say certain things.

Most of you know my dating life because I have made it well-known. I'm an open book and always have been. I have written blogs about my past, wrote poems, and Facebook statuses. So for me to actually read a book and realize that I have been settling in the past and that I did not set standards for myself or the person I was dating, made this a new beginning for me.

In this book, Steve Harvey starts from the beginning - What a man needs (Profess, Provide, Protect), to what kind of woman he needs (A keeper, not a sports fish), to lining up goals (finding out short-term and long-term goals), and finally creating a checklist of how you know this could be the real deal.

Let's dig in. Keep in mind that I am not taking all this book as TRUTH but I am taking it as Steve Harvey's view on love and I can, unfortunately, relate to a lot of it. Most men base relationships on these three things - Profess, Provide, and Protect.

Profess: Telling others how much he loves you and that you are his lady.

How does he introduce you to others around him? How does he introduce you to his friends? Does he call you a "friend"? If so, then that is probably what you are to him. A few weeks into Kevin and I dating, he unfortunately got pulled over. I was following right behind him so I pulled off to the side of the road. When we got to his house, he said, "I told the cop you were my girlfriend." That may be small to some, but for me, and how he introduced me to a complete stranger, made me feel like this was the real deal. If a guy wants nothing to do with a relationship or just sees you as friends, trust me, he will make it a point to make that known or clear.

Provide: This is a HUGE one for me. I have always been independent and reliant on my own income. I have never "relied" on someone to provide for me. I have also made more money than almost all of my ex-boyfriends. I have heard this before, that guys don't want a serious relationship until they know they can provide for themselves (aka have a good job or a career, being established in their job, and making decent money) and then have the opportunity to provide for someone else. One of the guys I dated in the past was not happy with his job. He complained about it all the time and never did anything about it. I made more than him and I have heard from guys that it is intimidating when a woman makes more than the man. The man wants to feel like he can provide. If he doesn't feel like he is needed, this relationship may not work. I felt free when I knew about Kevin's job. He isn't dependent on me to pay his bills and he makes more money than I do. I didn't realize how much this has strained past relationships.

Protect: Your man should protect you if someone disrespects you.

See how he reacts if someone says something to you. According to the book, "Once he says he cares about you, you are a prized possession to him..." He should be the leader and protector and respect you like he wants others to respect you and your family. Another quote is, "A man who truly cares about or loves you can and will protect you in other ways, whether it be with advice, or stepping up to perform a task that he thinks is too dangerous for you to do."

Steve Harvey compares women to fishing. Depending on how the relationships develops and how you demand to be treated, will determine if you are the "sports fish" (the throwback), or a keeper (one who he can see himself settling down with). The keeper demands respect, doesn't play games, and is ready for love. The sports fish doesn't have any rules, requirements, or respect for herself so how can a man love her the way she deserves? "Know that if this man isn't looking for a serious relationship, you're not going to change his mind just because you two are going out on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord's green earth -- you're capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you'e independent (which means, to him, that you're not going to be in his pockets) -- but if he's not ready for a serious relationship, he's going to treat you like a sports fish."

Once the man has established that you are a "keeper", the next step is meeting kids or family members. Steve Harvey said, "You can't become emotionally attached to this man and make some kind of verbal, or, especially, physical commitment to him, and then finally drag him to the house only to find out he doesn't like your kids, and your kids don't like him." "He's going to evaluate if he can afford these children, if he wants to be bothered with the drama that comes when a baby's daddy is likely lurking in the background, whether he can handle any animosity that might come his way when the kids get wind of him, and, finally, if he wants to play second fiddle to the children, whose needs you will surely meet many moons before his..." and, "More important, you should introduce the kids to the man you're dating so that you can see him in a fatherly capacity." This can be the other way around, of course. With Kevin having kids, I can see him as a father, as a son, as a boyfriend, and him in his different roles.

And finally, marriage. Past relationships showed that I wanted to marry more than the man wanted to marry. I am not proud to admit this but it's true. I wanted to marry certain men ONLY because that seemed like the next step, not necessarily because I wanted to or that he wanted to. "Your man hasn't asked you to marry him because of one more of the following reasons: (1) he is still married to someone else; (2) you're really not the one he wants; or, the real answer you don't want to hear, (3) you haven't required him to marry you or set a date." Talk to him about his long-term and short-term goals. Do they align with yours? Are you ready for a family with him? Talk to him about it. Make sure your financial goals align, you should both be included in each other's future, you are supportive of his career and vice versa, you are comfortable with his kids and vice versa, and comfortable with each other's families,

Steve Harvey put together a checklist, or a list of requirements that you set based on what you are looking for in a relationship. Grab a pen and a piece of paper and answer these questions truthfully.

1. What specific kind of man are you looking for?
2. How do you expect to be pursued?
3. What level of commitment do you expect?
4. What kind of financial security do you expect this man to have?
5. Do you want a man who wants kids and is family oriented?
6. Does he have to be religious/spiritual?
7. Do you mind if he's divorced or has kids?
8. Can you help a man build his dream? Can you adapt to his plan?
9. What do you expect of his family?
10. What should he be willing to do to woo you?

Wow. If I would have had this checklist put together like that when I was dating some of my past boyfriends, I would have gotten rid of them on the spot. As I was going through these questions, as well as the majority of the book, I used it as a checklist for Kevin without even realizing it. I grilled him with some of these questions. I made sure that our answers aligned. I saw how he interacted with his Mom. "It's the first relationship a man has with a woman, and if he has a good track record with her, then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some kind of idea of how to profess, provide, and protect not only a woman but a potential family, too." I asked Kevin what he thought about me. Mr. Harvey says to listen to their answers closely. You aren't looking for that standard answer or the "I think you are great and you will be a great Mom one day" type of answer. He wanted specifics. Ask him how he feels about you. The "I think you're cool" answer won't work. How does he react under pressure? How does he react to bad news? How does he react when he's told "no"?

Once you create that list, align goals, get married, and have the man of your dreams, how will you continue to love and support each other? Here are some ideas from the book:
-Compliment each other every day
-Recognize him for the little things
-Take the time to get to know what's important to him
-Explore something new together
-Allow him to be there for you
-Exercise together
-Send him a love letter or an e-mail just because

If you are dating, not dating yet, or at that point where you don't know if this is the right guy, I strongly recommend this book. I took a pen and just underlined quotes that stood out, I filled in some of the blanks and answered some of the questions, I asked my boyfriend questions to help us build on our relationship and made sure that our answers and our goals aligned. Like I said earlier, I do wish I would have read this book 5-10 years ago, but if you have the opportunity to read this book, I hope you do!

I rate this book a 5-Star and have already recommended it to some of my friends. If you have any thoughts, comments, or personal experiences, I would love to hear about them in the comments below.

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Much love,
Abbie