I just got done with a workout sesh. A much needed session to clear my thoughts. This weekend was a wake up call. I went to Wendover and met up with Mercedes, Leno, and his Mom. It was around 2-3am and I was using the slot machines. I ran out of money that I had put in one machine and Mercedes and I were just talking.....about life and my dating life. Mercedes told me, "You are too pretty to be chasing guys...." and that's when it hit me and this is something I have not forgotten all weekend. I AM too pretty to be chasing guys. Why should I be chasing guys? Why, for 29 years, do I have to "convince" someone to date me (Albert, aka Ex #1), why do I have to convince someone that I am trustworthy, loyal, happy, fun to be around, etc.
Guys that I normally text, I didn't text this weekend. I can not even tell you how sick I am of going after guys. It's not fair to me that I don't have a boyfriend, that I'm not married, that I don't have kids, but this is my reality. As much fun as the single life can be, I will never want that over someone loving me. Not someone that I just love. But someone that loves me. I have always heard that guys want the chase but believe me when I say they will be running a 5K. I am so over dating. I am so over chasing guys. I am so over talking to guys that don't want to hang out with me, don't want to date me, don't want to make me #1 or a priority.
Another lesson learned the hard way is this. I have had guy after guy go through a bad break up, divorce, engagement, whatever it is...and say they won't be dating someone for a very long time because of it. This is completely not true. Sometimes people are in your life whether or not you plan on them being there. No matter what you are going through, if you really like someone, you will or can date them. I truly believe that you may want that, you may have a hard time, but if you meet someone, you can change all of that. And I have seen it happen. Therefore, to me, that is an excuse.
These lessons have triggered into something else (this has truly been an eye opening weekend!) that I am a little embarrassed to talk about. I am not the cleanest person and I also put things off when it comes to things around the house. When my cousin was here a week ago, she made me realize how much I really do put off and today, I did a few things that needed to get done and really helped me to feel more accomplished. I am also trying to better myself. I went to the gym yesterday and tonight because I truly have no reason to be fat. In Wendover I realized how out of shape I was when I walked on the skywalk from Montego to Nugget. We were basically stalked. This guy was totally behind us walking faster and we had to walk faster and man, I was so tired! So...we will see how much of this actually sticks but right now my life is too valuable to be lazy and I should not have to take the initiative when it comes to relationships. This next relationship will be equal.
From the mouth of British Comedian James Corden in Glamour magazine,
"...if you're in a place of heartache, remember that when you lay your head down tonight, somewhere else a person you may have never met is doing the same. And that person is going to love you more than the last one ever did. So look after your broken heart tonight; tomorrow could be the day it starts to mend."
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