10 Ways to Make Parenting a Middle Schooler a Little Bit Easier

My cousin and I were spending some time together a few days ago and she asked about Jace and how he was doing in school. After a few minutes, she suggested that I blog about it. Initially, I wasn't too keen on the idea, but after doing some research, I realized that parenting a middle schooler can be tough for a lot of parents (I got lucky and he is probably one of the easiest ones) at times so I decided to write down what I do to make our days better. Having a middle schooler is so different than having a child in elementary, to me.

Here are 10 things that I/we have done that has really made our days easier and better together. 

1. Be consistent - every morning I ask my son how he slept and when he comes home, I ask him how his day was. When we eat together as a family (2-3X per week), we each go around the table discussing our highlight of the day. If I somehow miss or forget the questions, he asks me what my highlight was or how my day was which I absolutely love. 

On the same token of consistency, as soon as he gets home we have been trying to get into a routine of having him empty out his backpack. That way, we know what assignments he has coming up, where he is at with his school work, and it also teaches him organization.

2. Invest in a planner - I am so lucky because I have an amazing job that stresses work/life balance. They created a planner that dives deeper into your day with 3 highlights, a breakdown of tasks by time as well as blank notes to write down what you need to. I gave mine to my son who uses it daily (or every other day sometimes). His homeroom teacher requires a planner with a signature so I thought, what better planner to give him. On Mondays he is required to write down his weekly tasks but I also have him use it throughout the week so we know what we need to do (I also have 3 calendars/planners to keep me on-task so I try and help him as much as I can as well). 

3. Read to them - This may sound silly reading to a 7th grader but I want to share a story that happened last week. Reading has always been a challenge for Jace - actually, I don't think reading itself is a challenge, I think it's vocabulary and word definitions to where he doesn't actually understand what he is reading - and he has been tasked to read for 30 minutes per day at home. I usually will either sit with him or work while he is reading to me and if I don't recognize a word, I'll ask him and then he will usually realize at that point that he misread it. Even though it sounds like it's working, it's really not helping him get to where he needs to be. 

So I decided last week to do something different. He chose a harder book (6th-10th grade reading level) and I decided to read to him. As I read, he follows along and I gave him post-it notes that, as I'm reading, he can write down any word that he doesn't recognize. After 30 minutes, we look up definitions and write down or talk about what they mean. Kevin is often there too when we discuss his reading and sometimes we both have the opportunity to just tell him what the word means and it's been a family discussion. After the first day of me reading to him, I started reading the next day and Jace asked if he could read it instead. I said sure and let him take over. HE DID SO GOOD. Even though the words were harder to read, he read through it so well. We typically write down about 5-6 words for every 30 minute read. I've realized this is giving him confidence and I also realized that the book uses a lot of words over and over so now he understands and knows the meanings of the words he didn't know at the beginning. 

4. Be in contact with their teachers - This has been a game-changer for me. When it comes to study guides, understanding different viewpoints, or just when instances come up, it's always good to hear things from different sides. Jace's study guides for example, we had the wrong one the first week and the second week, we didn't have the book or the answers. I reached out to the teacher who explained that Jace can take the book home and she gave us the name of the book so we can look it up online. I also attend every parent-teacher conference and, over the years, the teachers have realized how involved we are with Jace so if they bring something home and it doesn't get signed or he doesn't do well on it, they know that Kevin and I weren't involved in that conversation. It really helps to have teachers who are willing to email you when things happen or when something is coming up so we can prepare Jace in a way that is successful for him. 

5. Hire a tutor - For your sanity, if your child isn't at grade-level, hire a tutor. I am not a teacher, I am a parent and, even though I learn a lot working with Jace, I definitely do not have the patience for it. We have had the same tutor since Jace was 8 and she is amazing. We usually hire her every week or every two weeks depending on what his needs are for that week. We were lucky and this tutor is reasonably priced but, as a parent, you can't do it all, especially if you work full time. It can be draining to work, have other hobbies outside of work, spend time with family and friends, and be a good parent. So try and take some of that load of your shoulders when and if you can. It also helps that Jace is in an after school program so we usually pick him up anywhere from 5-6pm on a normal night.

6. Give them balance - If your child is struggling in school, sometimes you just want to have them work, work and work, but that is a recipe for disaster. Just like an adult, you can only take so much. We usually have a consistent schedule throughout the week so there is nothing unexpected (although with appointments, things can change sometimes, but for the most part, it's fairly consistent) and that really helps kids. But having balance is so important as well which is what our consistency consists of. Homework and school in our household always comes first. So we usually do homework or have dinner right when he comes home, he has one daily chore of dishes, bath and then whatever time he has left (sometimes 30 minutes, sometimes 1 1/2 hours) he can be on his game. I feel like we have a great balance of homework and game time. He can't just get on his game right when he comes home. And again, first things first, unload backpack, look at his planner, and talk to him about his homework and reading. 

7. Give them responsibility - I've always been a fan that children can start being responsible (based on their age) when they are young. I gave the responsibility to Jace at age 10 that he would be solely responsible for picking out his outfits for the day without my help. I think he did a great job - we may have had one or two questionable outfits but that was one task that I wanted him to do on his own. Think of what your child is capable of, what you need help with, and what they can do on their own. Jace cleans his own room, does his own laundry (adds it to the washer, puts the pod in and starts it as well as hangs up his own clothes), vacuums the house when we need it vacuumed, his daily chore is loading and unloading the dishwasher, he has helped recently with sweeping the floor and using the swiffer to mop it, and he cleans his own bathroom. As working (or even stay-at-home) parents, we can't do all the things. It's ok to give your child age-appropriate tasks. It not only builds independence in them, but also confidence. It also teaches them that as a family, we help one another. 

8. Invest in the same things they like - This one can be so tough, especially with a 13 year old boy. And honestly, sometimes I just don't understand what Jace is talking about, but I still listen and I still try to invest my time. He is into tech decks (the finger skateboards) and we got him a tech deck ramp for his birthday. He used it and showed Kevin and I how to use it. I tried to do the tech deck myself and couldn't get it - but I tried. Jace mentioned to me awhile back how he didn't think I was into the things that he is into. I want to be involved with him and show interest before he no longer wants to be involved with me. 

9. Let them earn their own money - Kids love having their own debit card or their own way to pay for things. Initially we ordered Jace a GreenDot card (a kids debit card) and we used it for awhile but it was $4.99/month and some months we just wouldn't add any money to it so we stopped it. My cousin told me about the Venmo card - it's for teens (Jace turns 13 tomorrow) and it's free. I have transferred money over to his card, he has used it to purchase items on Amazon and he loves it. As a side note, before we got him the Venmo card, whenever we would go to the store, he would pay using my debit card. Kids want to be responsible, especially when it comes to money. Some ways that Jace earns extra money - chores around the house, getting good grades, I also showed him how to sell his Pokemon cards on Poshmark - he sold a $40 and $70 Pokemon bundle! I was so impressed. He knows how to list them, find out the best price, and take photos. I take out maybe $5 and ship it out for him. 

10. Let them talk about what they want to talk about - Can I just say that middle school is full of so much drama and I thank God daily that I have a boy. He comes home so often with all the gossip, all the stories of who likes who and who he has a crush on and who his newest girlfriend is. Here is my tip - just go along with it. The only time I give advice is when it involves other people's feelings but he always says "I know" and we have raised him to treat people with respect. He tells me how dramatic the girls are and how he doesn't want to sit by them because they always want him to involved in their drama. Such is the tough life of a middle schooler. 

I hope these tips helped as I know they have helped me a lot this year as we are diving into new territory. If you have any other tips, let me know in the comments below.