Book Review and Summary - Prince Harry - "Spare"

I may be one of the few, but I was intrigued by Prince Harrys' story, which prompted me to pick up his book "Spare." I have to say, as I first started reading, I couldn't put it down, I think I read 50+ pages the first day. I was aware of Prince Harry but knew very little about his life. I remember negative things in the news, all of the negative stories of him. He sounded to me like the "troubled" brother, and, unfortunately, he and everyone else believed he was. I also now understand the meaning behind the book title.

The name "Spare" is a name that is described as the one that isn't important. Think of a spare tire, you are kind of pushed to the side until you are needed. As Prince Harry said, his brother was the "Heir" and he was the "Spare" and it was very unfortunate events throughout  the book that describe how and why he felt like this. He mentioned Willy (Prince William) and him were, "The Heir and the Spare. I was the shadow, the support, the Plan B." 

Harry loved/loves his mom so much. He has so many good memories of her, a lot brought out in therapy session. He visited the same place in South Africa that she had been, talked about how much she loved her kids, he could still hear her laugh, and talked about how she constantly aimed for peace.

But I'll be honest, I've never been fond of King Charles (and it seems like Harry isn't either), making deals with the media, having an affair with Camilla (and no one will convince me otherwise), and I have a slight hunch he had something to do with Princess Diana's death. Even Harry in his book said, "Then again, maybe our mother would be here. If she hadn't married Pa...." 

And for a long time, Harry had convinced himself that his mom wasn't dead - maybe she had run off with another man since she was so unhappy. Or maybe she went into hiding. But the official story was that papparrazzi chased Princess Diana "through the stress of Paris, then into a tunnel, where her Mercedes crashed into a wall or cement pillar, killing her, her friend, and the driver." The papparrazzi (or "paps" as Harry calls them) not only destroyed his life, but his mothers as well. In fact, Harry came across some photos of his mom's accident and saw some flashes in the photos -papparrazzi flashes. This statement made me super upset, "Flashes. They were flashes. And within some of the flashes were ghostly visages, and half visages, paps and reflected paps and refracted paps on all the smooth metal surfaces and glass windscreens. Those men who'd chase her...they'd never stopped shooting her while she lay between the seats, unconscious, or semiconscious, and in their frenzy they'd sometimes accidently photographed each other. Not one of them was checking on her, offering her help, not even comforting her. They were just shooting, shooting, shooting."

When Charles spoke to Harry about his mom's car accident, he didn't hug him, they didn't cry together, all his dad said was that it was going to be OK. As Harry said, his dad was never made for parenthood, let alone being a single parent, "Pa and I mostly coexisted. He had trouble communicating, trouble listening, trouble being intimate face-to-face." It didn't help that being a royal meant not showing emotions, no hugging, no "I'm proud of you" moments, and never ever complaining. They are very...cold. That is one part of the royal family that I did not know, and honestly would not have guessed. It's like they lack this sense of closeness. 

"The older generation maintained a nearly zero-tolerance prohibition on all physical contact. No hugs, no kisses, no pats."

With King Charles and Camilla getting married, "Camilla had played a pivotal role in the unraveling of our parents' marriage, and yes, that meant she'd played a role in our mother's disappearance, but we understood that she'd been trapped like everyone else in the riptide of events. Willy and I promised Pa that we'd welcome Camilla into the family. The only thing we asked in return was that he not marry her." As we know, they did end up getting married, and as Harry said, "We recognized that he was finally going to be with the woman he loved, the woman he's always loved, the woman Fate might've intended for him in the first place."

Harry wanted to be a ski instructor, or a safari guide. His Dad had said that he had been advised that the Heir, "shouldn't do too much, shouldn't try too hard, for fear of outshining the monarch." But his dad wanted him to do better and listened to his inner voice. They settled on the fact that Harry would join the British army. It aligned with his desire to move away from the papparrazzi and being in the spotlight. By this point, his life had been fairly adventurous, full of travels around the world, and now he was ready to go into the army. 

He entered the army in February 2007, to Iraq. 

The army was his escape, his motivation, his focus. But unfortunately that was abruptly halted several times due to him being a direct target. Iraqi snipers had targeted him and so the mission had become too dangerous. Next up was becoming a Forward Air Controller in Afghanistan (guiding aircrafts towards the enemy). He was in the middle of the action and he was finally happy. He ended that tour on duty because an Australian magazine had told the world that Harry was in Afghanistan. His next "adventure" was learning how to fly a helicopter - the apache - tactically. He took classes, learned how to read maps, locating targets, firing missiles, talking on radios, and multitasking in the air. This is where he could really be focused. In May 2010 he got his wings, Army Air Corps Colonel-in-Chief. In Afghanistan is where, on the evening before his 28th birthday, sirens started going off. Two American soldiers had been killed, seventeen British soldiers were killed and American soldiers were injured. At this point, the Taliban had issued a statement saying that Prince Harry was their target and that's who they were looking for. During this war, Harry said he killed 25 people. By 2013, he was headed home. Since this book has been released, I have read comments questioning his kill number.

After his tours, coming back home was tough, challenging and stressful. He enjoyed being in the action, but it became to risky with too many targets on his back. The papparrazzi was a target that also never left, and finally had gotten to him. 

Some of the stories were truthful (and he was apologetic, the book allowing him to share his point of view) but most were taken out of context or complete lies. As Harry said, "I wasn't a human being to them." He was known in the media as being the naughty one, the drunk, the drug addict ("Harry's Drugs Shame"), cocaine addict (he did try some of these drugs but was never an addict), a cheat, a dummy, the one that had no talent, the one that didn't want to go into the army (using a "fake" knee injury was a way of stalling), breakups (that didn't happen) with a girlfriend, called him racist, and the worst is the actual stalking that the papparrazzi did(even putting tracking devices on his girlfriend at the times car). 

Harry started getting anxiety, especially in public. He started to feel lonely and had even had a few panic attacks. He finally saw a therapist who mentioned post-traumatic stress. Now it all made sense.

Part three of the book is all about Megan. The way he described her was something out of a movie. 
"I'd never seen anyone so beautiful"
"There was an energy about her, a wild joy and playfulness."
"Her luminous, angelic face"

Megan, oh Megan. I've heard a lot of various things about her but reading this book made me see her differently. The press did a lot of damage to both her and Harry, not just during the time they dated, but continuing on while they were married into when she was pregnant. I also realize and read comments from people referring to when she met the Queen of England, that she didn't know that she had to curtsy or how to curtsy. Let me tell you, from someone who has never been to England (and without reading this book, only going off of what I knew from the royals, which wasn't much), I don't know if I would have known what is required of me if I were to meet the Queen. 

"When you first meet the Queen it's Your Majesty. Thereafter it's just Ma'am. Just, whatever you do, don't talk over her." And for the King, Prince Charles, "For Pa, curtsy. Say, Your Royal Highness, or Sir. Maybe a kiss on the cheek if he leans in, otherwise a handshake. For Camilla, no curtsy. Not necessary. Just a quick kiss or handshake." 

Megan and Pa bonded and had a special relationships. They bonded over music, over her acting career, him sharing stories of his mother, he enjoyed her company. While this one was building, the one between Harry and his dad and brother had become non-existent. 

You can tell throughout this third and final section of the book that Harry LOVED, LOVES, and will forever support Meg. The way he continued to talk about her was unlike anything I have ever heard or seen. He stood up for her even when his Dad and her Dad continued to feed into the press, the stories, and the lies. Even Willy began believing the lies and headlines that were spread about her in the press (him and Harry even got in a physical altercation due to what was being said about her):

Harry's girl is (almost) straight outta Compton
Harry to marry into gangster royalty?
"Trailer Trash"
"Stoner"
Harry's girl on Pornhub
Harry threw a tantrum before the wedding
Duchess Difficult
A BBC radio presenter posted a photo on his social media - a man and a woman holding hands with a chimpanzee. The caption read: Royal baby leaves hospital
The queen of monkey island

You may remember Harry suing the press a few years ago, I surely remember it. The press had caused so much havoc on his life that I thought suing was well-deserved. Although the royal family had negotiated (and had to establish a relationship with) with the press, they had taken it too far. And although it wasn't going to pan out well, he decided to move forward and sue them, letting his father and Willy both know. The royals were not out to protect each other in the family, but to make themselves look better. And Harry stood up to what the press had done to both him and his wife. As well as his mom. 

Megan and Harry were married and two billion people watched the wedding on TV, not realizing that they secretly were already married. They said their vows in private before sharing them with the world. After marriage and a honeymoon, the press had gotten worse. 

Which is why Harry and Megan decided to move. They had to get permission to move from the palace (his grandmother, dad and brother) which was...lengthy. 

They moved to Vancouver Island and they were there for 6 weeks before the papparazzi found out and Daily Mail posted their address. 

Harry spoke with his father about spending 1/2 of a year in South Africa and the other 1/2 of the year there. He ran it by his dad and was asked to put it in writing, which he did. In January 2020, he sent him a letter and the reasoning of why he wanted to move. His father then said he needed to speak in person about this move, but he wouldn't be available until March. So Harry called his grandmother (the Queen) in hopes to discuss a different plan. He was headed back to Britain when he received a note saying that his grandmother wouldn't be able to see him. By this point, he knew he wanted to step away from royalty, but not down from royalty (hence the 6 months in South Africa where he had done charity work, and the other 6 months staying in Britain for his family, and other royal events.) 

Harry put together a 5 option plan to discuss with with his father, grandmother, and Willy. His options included everything from staying and not leaving, to stepping down completely but still keep security (this was so important, especially with Megan and him having a child now). His ideal option was option 3 which was somewhere in between (6 months somewhere else, 6 months in Britain). After all of this work, one of the Queen's assistants printed out the implementation of option 5, which was he would leave out of royalty completely and still keep his security. This wasn't really what he wanted but apparently the royals had decided this before they even met. Their decision was final. He could move where he wanted to, he didn't work for the royals, he would really have nothing to do with them from a job-perspective, but would have security to protect his family for 12 months as a "transitional period." 

Harry stated, "I'll forever support my Queen, my Commander in Chief, my Granny. Even after she's gone. My problem has never been with the monarchy, nor the concept of monarchy. It's been with the press and the sick relationships that's evolved between it and the Palace."

In 2020, Harry and Megan were deciding where to live. They were on a facetime with Tyler Perry and the conversion of where they were moving to came up. He offered them a chance to stay in their home in L.A. It was gated, safe, secure, and since he was traveling, he couldn't live there. They moved in in March of 2020. Again, after another 6 weeks, the papparazzi found them. 

As they are going through and deciding another place to live and their financial situation, Harry had been cut off financially from his father (and he mentioned that due to being royal, he never had a house key, never owned a car, never ordered anything online...) and although they had a 12 month security transitional period, it was also cut off. 

In July 2020 they moved right outside Santa Barbara. Meg had a miscarriage (possibly due to all of the stress). By February 2021, they were completely stripped of everything royal - he was no longer permitted to wear his ceremonial military uniform, no longer doing any service whatsoever for the Queen, and requests from him to the palace were being denied. 

Unfortunately, the end of the book discusses the death of the Queen. Harry didn't make it home in time to say goodbye. Him and Willy barely spoke at the funeral. I think the royal family has been broken. 

If you are curious about the royal life, I would highly recommend this book. I like seeing it from Harry's perspective. His viewpoint is a little bit different because he wasn't the first to the throne after his father. He does make his dad, Camilla, and Willy look bad at times, but I also think that's him being truthful. Do I believe his perspective? Most of it. Based on what I read about how the royals are, what they can and cannot do, and how they treat each other, I wouldn't doubt that they are only there for themselves and not each other. 

But as Harry said at the end of the book, that resonated with me, "When is someone in the family going to break free and live?"