I'm a total Stress Ball

Have you ever felt like you have done everything that you can - without lowering your standards, values, or goals - but nothing seems to go your way? Blogging and writing are my therapy so, if you are reading this, brace yourselves. This may be repetitive as I have mentioned over and over how tough it has been living out here in California. I moved here 18 months ago on hopes, dreams, $25,000, no debt (except my never-ending student loan) and dreams of winning the lottery (that doesn't seem to be a joke anymore). The year of 2018, I have been hoping for getting that "big break" with a job. See, I am the type that always strives for more, works hard, sets goals, and focuses on what I want and reaches for it. When I see a Social Media Manager job position here in Central California with a pay range of $11/hour (no joke! I have a screenshot if you don't believe me!) it makes me re-think my strategy and plan in life. This plan and future worked for me in Utah and I had no issue in finding a job. I had no problem with maintaining a job. Finding a job that paid even $38,000/year was fine for me because rent was affordable, gas was affordable, food was affordable, basically everything was affordable! Now I'm living off of credit cards, broke, and have gone to the casino ten too many times (I'll admit it!).

I know what you are thinking....why not move out of state? Well, that may be in the future, just not now as we just signed a one year lease on an apartment. I love the area, I love WHERE I live, I just don't like the cost associated with it. And I can't help but think how much easier life would be if I had a job. It's amazing to say that because sometimes I do enjoy being unemployed. I apply for jobs almost daily but being able to spend more time with family, working out, and doing things on my time has been great (and yes, that includes sleeping in!) but I know at one point I will have to be an adult again. I think I'm just super nervous and anxious about this job interview that I had yesterday. It consumes my mind. I applied for a job at Cal Poly and I keep thinking of both the dreaded phone call, and the one that says, "We want to hire you!" Now, I am typically a very positive person but I don't want to assume that I have the job, especially since the questions were so much harder in the interview than I anticipated. I have prayed more in this past week than I have the past few years but I know that God has a plan for me, whether it's this job or another. I think when I get the call next week, I will cry either way. Cry happy tears because it's been so long since I have actually worked full-time, at a job with amazing benefits, standard business hours, in the pay range and location that I am looking for. If I don't get it, I will be sad and cry sad tears because I will feel like a letdown. I don't want to let myself down or anyone else. I wanted to go in to this interview and just be confident and I don't think I did that. I think I answered half of the questions incorrectly and I don't want to be living off unemployment or trying to sell everything I own just to make ends meet.

This past month I have been a complete stress ball. About a month ago we got in a car accident down in San Diego and had to extend our stay for two days, we were also without a car for two days. The past few months we have been searching for a place to live and I have been looking for a job. I had another issue with unemployment in which they are not paying me for 11 total weeks. I had to file an appeal and I will see a judge to hopefully get my unemployment pro-rated. In the meantime, searching for jobs is all I can do. With a Bachelor's degree and six years of marketing experience, I don't want to "settle" for a job. I understand that I may have to but I don't want to feel like I am going backwards. I know when I moved here I did downgrade, and that's just the truth. But I would like to see myself move forward in every other aspect. The Central Coast is a beautiful place to live and I'm happy to be here. If it was affordable and I had a job then life wouldn't be stressful and I can actually enjoy where I live. I am curious though, what do you do when you are stressed? I am trying to work out, hang out with my girlfriends, do errands, and do things that distract me from having a nervous breakdown. I am trying with all of my might to not go down the spiral I did in 2012 where I went through a huge batch of anxiety and panic attacks due to major changes and stress (graduated college, purchased a condo, started a new job all in the same year). Please comment below and let me know what has worked for you.

Yoga? Writing? How do you allow yourself to de-stress and not worry, especially when it comes to money, jobs, and financial? I'm willing to try new things and new ways to calm my heart but I want to know what works for you. Thanks for listening/reading!

xoxo Abbie