Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year's Resolutions + Other Randoms

I have always been a big fan of New Year's Resolutions. It doesn't mean I have always accomplished everything but it does give me something to strive for. In 2014, I did not hit ANY of my goals. So I'm being more realistic this year. Goal's are made to be realistic anyways, right?

Here were my 2014 goals:
$5,000 in Savings
Get Engaged
Publish my Book
Run a 5K
Be at 125lbs
Start a business
Get a raise
Get off Zoloft

Here are my 2015 goals:
Publish my Book
Finish and complete a second book (Not necessarily publish)
Lose 20 pounds by May (Hawaii!)
Exercise 2-3X per week
Be cautious of my gambling habits (Set limits)
Find out what happiness is

My book is currently in the Design stage which takes about 1-2 weeks to complete. I have also started working on another book. You can click HERE to read more about my second book. You can also click HERE to "like" my first book's Facebook page.

Every other blog, or every other few weeks, I am over Kevin and than not completely over Kevin. I do want 2015 to be about me and my happiness. I am not emotionally ready for a new relationship or commitment and that's okay. Sometimes you just need time to heal your heart and that's exactly what I am aiming for. I don't know where or when I will find true happiness but I know it exists and I know when I am ready, I will find it. Or it will find me.

I was so lucky this Christmas and was able to spend it with my family in California! I had the BEST time! This is the second time I have been to California in a month and it is always so nice to visit my Nana, Papa, and cousins! Plus, my Mom, sisters, and brother along with my sisters family were there! I got my Kitchenaide so I can finally stop mixing cupcakes by hand :) :) Click HERE to visit my Cupcake Facebook page! I am looking into expanding my cupcake business in 2015. I told myself that I wanted to give myself one year to establish my cupcake business and actually have a local business that is not out-of-home. This will be August 2015 so we will see what happens. My cousin wanted me to stay in California for good. I told her she had one day to find me a sexy man and I would stay. Unfortunately that didn't happen.

It is New Year's Eve and here I am blogging. I really really want to go out but the last four days I have been sick. I have been so annoyed because it is lingering and just won't go away. I have an ear infection, sore throat, and I sound like a man to be honest. I did go to the Instacare Sunday night and they gave me antibiotics. In the mean time, I'm stuck at home on New Year's Eve. It's okay, I am looking forward to getting some much-needed sleep tomorrow and feeling better. Once that happens, I'll be digging in to my New Year's Resolutions! HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Christmas Holiday - Why am I alone?

The holidays are supposed to be full of happiness and excitement. I have come to the conclusion that I am 82% happy. I am not me. I am not my old self. I miss what was my other half. I miss what was love. I miss what was. I have to stop lying to myself. I miss Kevin. I would never get back with him but I have been thinking about him SO much lately. It's actually pretty ridiculous. I had several dreams about him. One being that he brushed off the fact that he had a girlfriend and wanted to get back with me. He haunts me. I try and move on and there he is. We had a mutual friend on Facebook and I HAD to delete him because I responded to something he said, and right above me was Kevin's comment.

I do enjoy being single. Sometimes. Sometimes, like now, I just want to call someone. I want to tell someone all about my day. I want to snuggle. But I can't. It's just different. And I understand that I need to move on but I think I tried to move on too quickly. I am meant to be single right now. I like a few guys, yeah, but I need someone that needs me and there is not anyone at this point that really needs me. I understand that takes time and it's been almost three months since the breakup. Three months is not long at all! (Especially compared to two weeks which is how quickly he had a "girlfriend")

Last night was my works Christmas party at the Aquarium. Amanda, KC, and the three littles went and we had a BLAST. But, there was that part of me that wanted to go with a date. I wish someone liked me. Like really, really liked me. That is the whole package. According to KC, my perfect man has a reseeding hairline and likes sports. Haha. That seems to be the type of guy I go for.

While I am on the verge of venting, I am *hopefully* a few weeks away from publishing my book. It has been such a hard and long and frustrating process. The publishing that was supposed to take a month and a half has taken 2-3 months and it's not even complete. They wanted me to pay an additional $300 on top of the $1,000 that I just got done paying them because I had 60 images in my book. They were able to cut that in half and I just paid that today. I also had to remove several images for possible copyright issues. They wanted me to get permission from a photography company that took our picture in the 1980's. I didn't know that had to happen nor do I want to go through another process or wait on the process so I just removed the images. Tomorrow I will know if my final document is approved and will move to the next step of Design. My new goal (Even though I wanted this done a year ago) is to have my book published by January 10, 2015 which will be 12 years of my Dad being gone.

I will keep you updated. In the mean time, you can follow updates on my Facebook page:

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Living Single and Enjoying Single

Two months ago I never thought I would be at this point.
I am back to my normal self and I am starting to enjoy things.
I go on dates, take care of myself, relax, and bowl every Sunday.
The past two weeks have been AMAZING. Like really beyond amazing.

A week and a half ago to celebrate my birthday, Sister Amanda, KC, and the three girls went to Vegas and California with me. I did not realize how much I needed my California family. Nana and Amanda took it upon themselves to have a birthday celebration for me at my favorite pizza place - Klondike's! Then back home for cake and ice cream. I have never felt more love than that night. And to have Morgan there too was great. He is an amazing person.

Last week was my birthday week and I celebrated by getting a massage, shopping, and going to the Jazz game with Jason. I could not have asked for a better birthday. And being single did not stop me from having a great time. Believe it or not, Kevin did text me on my birthday. I didn't feel excitement. I didn't feel sad. I just felt like....him not being with me is his loss. And I would never go back to him.

I bowled my high of 120 (lame, I know!) last week when I went bowling on a date. I have actually enjoyed bowling outside of my league. I am going bowling again Thursday and it's really helping me build confidence in my game. Last week I was five pins away from another 300 series.

Sunday was Emerson's 3rd birthday party. I bought her a Utah Jazz outfit and we went to the second Utah Jazz game for her this season. She liked it more the first time but I love spending quality time with my nieces. Her birthday party was Frozen-themed and Amanda hired an Elsa to sing with the kids and take pictures. Eme was SO happy! She had her dress and crown and I was so happy to see her as a little princess. She is a princess and I love those girls more than anyone will ever know.

Last week was busy with dates and fun and this week I am okay with relaxing, watching Jazz games and working out. Everyone says to "focus on you" and I don't like that. Instead, I am just living day by day and not focusing on a relationship. If it happens, it happens. I am not forcing anything and I am just having fun. I do not want to settle down right now. And two months ago, I would not have said this, but this feeling of contentment is one thing that I am thankful for.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

The Adventures of Dating - Part 1

I can say that after eight weeks and four days, I am officially okay with dating and officially okay with being single. Although I do wish for a magic genie  (or God, either one)  to just provide me with my husband and I don't have to go through dating but such is life. There is one thing I do not understand. I have been told over and over that if I don't like somebody or if I don't see it going anywhere, tell them I'm not interested in the nicest way possible. I don't like telling people I'm not interested because I feel that that in itself is mean. But, I have had to do it twice and both times, I was called an "asshole" and the other said, "F*** you." It's like, if I'm honest (and not even rude), I get in trouble. But then if I don't tell them, then I'm "leading them on" which eventually leads to the same ending.

So with the latter one, I was messaging him on Facebook today. Let me reword that. He messaged me over and over and over again. He becomes desperate and obsessive and I told him I don't want to be friends. It just got to the point where he sounded crazy. That's when he said, "F*** you", I block him, delete him, and less than five minutes later, I get a text saying, "Are you kidding me?" I am not going to lie, I am a little freaked out.

I had a guy message me and say, "Hey, what are you doing? Let's hang out. I just got done at the gym. Will you please be a sweetie and let me use your shower?" Uhhh....what! I don't think that is something you say to someone you haven't met yet. I found out that this is the same person who said, "In a land of burnt waffles, your a chocolate chip cookie." I let him know I heard that before.

Besides crazy old men, I have been having a decent time with men closer to my age. I went to the Jazz game last night and had a really good time with my date. He is such a sweetheart. He is so smart and that is what I want. I don't think I want a serious relationship right now but if it happens, it happens, and who it happens with is not up to me. I am glad that I am finally okay. I am not 100% but I am in a much better place than I was four weeks ago.

I am glad that the Utes season is basically over because every time I watch the game, I do picture Kevin being there. I think it's only natural that I dwell on someone who was a huge part of my life. It doesn't mean I want him back because I don't. If he came back to me, I would say no. But I do know for a fact that he won't. I know how he is and he doesn't go after things. He let me go twice and that was two times too many. The memories will be there and unfortunately I cannot erase those. But I m doing a lot better emotionally.

I have probably gone on six or seven dates the last eight weeks. Some were awkward, some were fun, but all of them were different. I can list out what I want in a man and a relationship and a husband but it seems like that changes depending on the person. Some things that were important aren't as important or vice versa. My wants and needs change and other things compensate. I don't know if that is good or if that is something I should do but I can't help it. Some guys like Mike are super hot but aren't interested in me. And that's fine. Some guys aren't as cute and are interested in me. I know one day I will find my match and all of this will lead to him. Maybe I have met him already and we just aren't in a place to date. Maybe I haven't met him yet. It makes me happy knowing that he is out there. And in the meantime, I have to deal with all of the silliness and craziness that comes with dating.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Seven Weeks Post Break-Up

It's been exactly seven weeks since Kevin broke up with me. I thought things would get easier and for awhile they were. But man. I went three weeks without crying and then out of NOWHERE I cry. Why? I miss his nieces and nephews lol. I literally cried for hours. I miss little Brookey Babe, Easty Babe, Huddy Buddy, and Cars. So I did let him know. Honestly, I don't care about his relationship. But I did message him and let him know that I missed his family. And he responded back and said he missed my nieces too. And my whole family. I have been thinking the last few days about him. I go out on a date to La Costa or Texas Roadhouse and all I think about is how he used to sit next to me....never across from each other. As I wear my Utah Utes hoodie, I miss going to games with him. Instead, I am sitting at home by myself watching the game. It really isn't fair but I know there is someone out there for me. Someone that I can build memories with. To be honest, when I dated Albert for five years (before Kevin), part of me was hesitant about breaking up with him because of all the memories we had and the close bond I had with his family. But when I did take that step, I never regretted it. And although right now I don't know where my life is going, it doesn't mean that I won't build amazing memories with someone else. My future husband. I do have crushes. I have been more direct and it's getting me in trouble and I KNOW I need to be patient but why is it so hard? I HATE being single. I can't stress that enough. Hate it. Hate it. Hate. Hate. But I won't rush into something just to be in a relationship. I don't even care about that status. I just want to like someone and have them like me back. I want to love someone and have them love me back. I want to be attracted to someone and have them call me "pretty" or "sexy" or "gorgeous" like Kevin did. How can I not compare my dates to Kevin? IN the relationship, he was amazing. I haven't stopped thinking about him since he broke up with me. I think it's because what we had was amazing. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't marriage-worthy. And that's okay. But it's still hard to not compare dates to him. I have higher expectations. Maybe that is why we dated. I believe there is a reason for everything. He was there to set the bar. Realize what I need in my life. What I want in my life. What I deserve in my life. And even though it isn't him, I want someone like him. I just don't want someone that will walk out of my life like he did. Three years is a long time to date. I can't move on like that. I did have a fling/crush for a few weeks but he doesn't want to see me anymore. And even though I have been thinking about him, it's okay. I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. Everyone is saying to use this time and become happy with myself. I am happy with myself. I just want someone to be happy with me.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

What is love Part 2

I will never see Kevin again.
I had his hoodie and left it on my porch tonight. I told myself (and God when I prayed) if he came over and knocked or asked if he could come in (he knew I was home) then I knew he cared about me and there was a possibility there was another chance for "us" to work out. If he didn't, he doesn't care. Although I knew I didn't want to see him because it would be even harder to move on and I didn't want to cry and I didn't want to cry and have him walk away like he did the night he broke up with me, part of me still wanted me to see him.

But I'm okay with this. This is what is best for me. I have learned a few things since we have broken up. Especially with what I want in a husband. I want someone that shares my passion with sports. I love watching football (I'm watching the Broncos game now!) and basketball and love going to games. How can I marry someone who just doesn't? I also love social media and that's what I do for a living. I know not everyone will have my passion for that but I also feel that he should be informed of social media and have social accounts? Is that asking too much? I also wants someone that wants me more than him. Oh yes, and I don't want him talking to his ex while he is dating me. I talked to Kevin all the way up until Monday. Even if it's not romantic, I don't think it's fair that he is talking to me so I don't plan on talking to him anymore. Plus I have nothing to say to him and vice versa. I need someone that wants me. Also someone that doesn't make me cry and cares about me (and shows that he cares, not just says he does). I want a man that will support me in things I do (Kevin did this very well) and someone that I can look up to (I did look up to Kevin).

I have a date on Saturday with the same guy that I went to dinner with a few nights ago. Oh yeah, so that was fun. We went to dinner for three hours and it was actually really good. This weekend we will probably go to Sundance. Until then, I am resorting to Tinder. I have cried my fair share of cries. In fact, I won't lie, I just got done crying. Honestly though, it lasted five minutes. Thank you, Kevin, for not seeing me. It's making my life a lot easier.

Once I stopped talking to him on Monday, I went on a date and got amazing sleep after. The past month talking to him has really been an emotional rollercoaster and I am glad that I am off of it. I am feeling better every day and looking forward to meeting my husband.

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Saturday, October 18, 2014

What is love?

I have been dwelling on writing about my past relationship for awhile now. But I feel like now is the perfect time. It's been almost a month since Kevin broke up with me and my heart was broken to pieces. I could honestly say that he was my life. He was my love and he was all I knew for almost three years. He made me laugh and smile like nobody in the past could. He made me happier than anyone and anything and I was so happy with him. And now it's gone. I have not had my heart broken to pieces this much until now. I have never felt so alone. I have never felt so hurt. I have never felt so betrayed. Two nights ago he told me he was dating someone else and a few hours ago I looked at his Facebook page and there she was. What a jerk. But yet I still cling to him. I still want him to hold me. I still want him to snuggle me. I picture him walking up the stairs and saying, "Hi" to me as he comes over. And now it's like I don't exist. I fee alone. I feel sad. I feel unwanted. I feel like he has moved on where it should be the other way around. I feel like the last month has been a blur. Like I just want my old life back. I want to faint. I want to pass out. I feel depressed but not to the point where I miss work. I thought I knew what love was. Our relationship was perfect. Maybe too perfect but I absolutely loved it. We went to football games, went to the movies, we traveled and road dirt bikes, I met his family, I spent Christmas with his family in Colorado last year. I miss his nieces. I miss his sisters family. I miss everything. I miss love. I miss attention. I miss happiness. I miss attention and affection.

I want to be happy.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Contests and Giveaways- Are they worth it?

In January 2014, I started doing giveaways and sweepstakes through Facebook. I decided that I would discuss what it's all about and if it's worth the time. Sometimes I will spend hours on end just entering contests and giveaways. There are certain pages on Facebook that offer giveaways or sweepstakes and they do require liking the page, liking another social network, commenting on a post, liking a post, subscribing on YouTube, etc. Some are more extensive than others. I have to say that doing this has been 100% worth it. I have won countless prizes and even have birthday present and Christmas presents tucked away.

Below is a list of SOME of the stuff I have won or received.

Park City hotel stay in Luxury Suite
$100 JC Penney gift card
$100 Paypal cash
$50 Red Rock Brewery gift card
Two ItWorks skinny wraps
Seacret Scrub
Seacret sample skin care regimen pack
Countless headbands and beanies for my nieces
Oil samples
Shampoo and conditioner samples
$100 Tanger Outlet Gift Card
Countless discounts
Daddy's Pack - included backpack, changing pads, etc.
$10 Paypal Cash
Frozen-inspired dress
Three scented soaps
Jamberry nail samples
Nail polish set
Free Oreo's from Oreo
An initial necklace
Hot Wheels Bath Set
$5 Target Gift Card
Numerous Books and Cookbooks

If you want to know more or what pages I follow, please leave a comment below or ask me! Some of the giveaways require tagging someone and if I can tag you, that can help us both in winning! I would like to help you out as much as possible too! Good luck. 


About Me

I'm Abbie. I am 28 years old and live in Utah. I love Social Media, Marketing, shopping, sports, traveling, shopping, giveaways, family, fashion, and currently writing a book.