Jace-isms - Wisdom from my son from ages 8-13

Some people take their kids quotes and put them on Twitter. Instead, I chose to put mine in a blog post. Enjoy! 


*Playing his PS4, "3,2,1, JOHN CENA!" --8 year old Jace

*"Jace, when your dad gets home, he can help you with your Sega Genesis" --Me
"Oh yeah, you only worked at Domino's so you don't know how to use the Sega Genesis"--Jace

"Can fish cry?" --Jace

"Did Jesus like tattoos?" --Jace

"What's your credit score?" --Jace to me

"That's why daddy wears his shirt when he goes swimming....he doesn't want you to see his nipples, or his belly button" -- Jace to me

"You can't get married if you have braces" --Jace

"I wish I was President and would have a gold chain that said JHizzle10 and then I would make it rain" --Jace, age 8

"I know why we don't go to school on Monday....it's King Arthur's birthday" (He meant Martin Luther King) --Jace

"What are you thankful for?" --Jace
*Whispers* "Please say me"--Jace

"You know how Kodak Black says he has 'stupid money'? What does that mean?"--Jace
"What do you think it means?"--Me
"That the money is stupid"--Jace

"Hey Abbie....it's good to be bad, right?" --Jace

"I already know that my Dad twerks a lot" --Jace

"In the old days when I was five...."--Jace

"Well I don't have four arms so...." --Jace

"Do you know why they call them corn nuts? They have dry corn and then they put nut skin on top of it"--Jace
"Nut skin huh?"--Me
"Mmhmmm"--Jace

"An antelope...that is a fruit I believe" --Jace

"You mean cantaloupe?" --Me

"I jugged it" --Jace

"Jugged it?! You mean chugged it?"--me

"I sound like a nerd"--Jace 

"....bone powers"--Jace

"What are bone powers?"--me

"Bones that have powers...."--Jace

"Can dogs go to jail too?"--Jace

"I'm skinny.....and so are you....*laughs*....just kidding!"--Jace

"Can I have one of your pancake fries?" --Jace

"What is a pancake fry? Ohhhh you mean a waffle fry!"--ME

"You smell like corndog"--Me

"No I smell like goodness"--Jace

"Don't look at me....I don't want you to see my six pack"--Jace to me

"Did God make boogers?" --Jace

"You don't know anything about hats....you only know about sneezing..."--Jace to me

Talking about his book, "They should have dialogue"--Jace

"I'm trying to get myself a high school girl"--8 year old Jace

"What's a hair line?"--Jace

"I wish driving in rain was illegal" --Jace

"Sometimes when it's just so peaceful....you just have to go poop"--Jace

"You have hairs in your nose. You should shave those." --Jace to me

"Am I lick?"--Jace

"What does that mean?"--Me

"That means cool"--Jace

"I'm gonna go take a nap"--Jace

"Are you tired?"--Me

"I'm tired from all of this work!"--Jace

*I made him pick up his toys and sweep one area of the floor LOL*

"I put on Daddy's deodorant...it stays on for 24 hours"--Jace

"I have to pee again"--Me

"You must have pee allergies"--Jace

"Look at these cute dogs. Their owner died but they live in Ohio 😭"--Me

"Well then let's fly to the Hallway"--Jace

".......?"--Me

"What is it again?"--Jace

"Ohio"--me

****🤣😂****

Jace randomly says "Tmobile. Let's go places."

"You know me....I don't like hours"--Jace

"I'm a Male, that means you should put me in a mailbox..." --Jace

"I think if there is a holiday then Monday's should be cancelled" -- Jace

"I'm made out of soup" --Jace

"Sometimes when you touch them (nipples) they go flat" --Jace 

'I feel like I'm a chicken getting a massage in a pool" --Jace

Jace just goes "You strong woman..just kidding" and then he laughs and goes "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Don't take it serious like daddy says" 😂🤣😂🤣

"Is selling your passion?"

"Abbie, are you a Turkey?" --Jace

"Daddy...I'm a Mammoth" --Jace

"Do you want to gas pass?" --Jace

"Do you mean pass gas?"--Abbie

Jace and I are talking and he randomly goes, "Wait, I need to smell my feet"

"I respect James Hardens' hustle" --Jace

What are those lines on her forehead? -Jace

Those are wrinkles-Me

Like the ones you have on your forehead-Jace

*Jace was in his blanket* 
"I was a burrito and then you messed it up"--Jace to his Daddy

"There's the ABC truck"--Jace

"What?!"--me

"....the ABC truck"-Jace

"You mean the UPS truck?"--Me

"I'm so hungry I could eat a horse"--Me

"That sounds violent"--Jace

"I have a 5 pack, working on a 6 pack"--Jace

"I know why they are called Guinea pigs"--Jace

"Why?"--Me

"It'll go Squeek Squeek in an oinky way" --Jace

"When I was at Nana's this weekend, I made homemade breast milk" --Jace

"When I get a girlfriend, my girlfriend will be my master" --Jace 🤣🤣🤣

"It smells like children" --Jace

"You have some octopus hair"--Jace to me

"Can you help me with this hard boiled egg?"--Jace to me

"Just take a bite off the top of the egg"--Me

"But....I don't want to get shells in my mouth"--Jace

*Me, not realizing the shell was still on*

"If I have a girlfriend, after three weeks I'm going to say, 'Will you marry me?'--Jace

"Jace.....no"--Me

"I had the craziest dream ever. I was a piece of bread. And then I upgraded to toast" 😂

"A poop is nasty. A dump is good." --Jace

"Why is your collar popped?" --me to Jace

"Because I'm a vampire"--Jace

*sings* "I'm thinking about girls girls girls girls" --Jace....."I'm not really thinking about girls, it's just a song" 😂😂 --Jace to me 

"I don't know why...but my middle finger is stuck in my armpit" --Jace

"I like the Panthers (football). I like the Black Panthers" --Jace

"I know how come I'm not stuffy nosed anymore"--Jace

"Why?"--Me

"Strawberries"--Jace

"I ran into the basketball pole today at school" --Jace

"Jace you have to be careful!"--Me

"I was....but my waist wasn't!"--Jace

"That was weird..."--Me

"What?"--Jace

"You just turned the corner and did the Robot"--me

"How is that weird?"--Jace 

"I have bacon powers" --Jace

"Abbie, I know you're not a scientist, but do dogs control their own bodies?"--Jace

"I made my first sacrifice today" --Jace

"I'm afraid of cookies"--Jace

"That's a daddy mom leg"--Jace

**Me laughs**He meant daddy long leg**

"You're gonna get all the dog ladies"--Jace to Sue

"Oh wait.. you are a girl" hahahaha

"I have a million dollars in my bank account" --Jace

"You hungry girl?"--Me to Sue, the dog

"You know she doesn't talk, right?"--Jace

"This granola bar is granola-e"--Jace 

"On a scale from 1-10, I pooped my pants"--Jace 

We were talking about milk, "First you get a cow. Then you give it a shower. And don't wash it with soap because we don't want soap in the milk" --Jace

"Is that how milk is made? The cleaner the cow the better the milk?"--me

"Yes"

🤔🤔

"Well that is a scientific name" --Jace

"When you were little there was a Walmart???" --Jace

"I don't like Jack Paper Cheese" --Jace

*I laugh*

"Pepper Jack Cheese?"--me

"Jace do you want a baby sister?" --Kevin and I

"Nope...but I do want some pizza rolls" --Jace

"Happy Valentine's Day" --Jace on November 24th

"Make sure your side eyes are closed....you said you have eyes on the back of your head"--Jace

"My gun is heavy because of all the mullets"--Jace
"Mullets? You mean bullets? Do you know what a mullet is?"--Me

"No"--Jace

*I show him*

"Ohhhhhh"--Jace

"I know I'm savage"--Jace

"I can't even taste my taste buds" --Jace

Me: Jace, do you want macaroni and cheese for lunch?

Jace: Only if it's not expired and organic

Me: 😳😳

"Gooey....that word makes me uncomfortable"--Jace

"Broncos, take care of your offstate"--Jace
"Offstate? You mean offense?"--Abbie
"...Yes"--Jace

"When I grow up, I want to be a Tiger" --Jace

"Your phone is lying to you. Do you know who made phones? Donald Trump" --Jace 

"What is tattoo diabetes?"--Jace
"LOL type 2 diabetes"--Me

Watching a show with Jace

"Do you get butterflies when you see me?" --a girl on the show to her fiancee 

"I don't get them. I lost them" --she ctd 

"Well why don't you go catch some butterflies?"--Jace 

"I had a dream about Deadpool and chimichangas" --Jace

"My armpit is itchy"--Jace

"I was on a computer......which was a PC" --Jace (in case I had no idea what a PC was)

"My Dad used to wear a necklace" --Jace
"Not since him and I have been dating"--Me
"It's probably hidden in his chest hair"--Jace

"I bet when I get older and get a girlfriend, she will be a golddigger"

"That was my burp-jitzu"

"Abbie, have you ever farted?" (he has asked me this several times and even asked if my sisters do)

"A cool kid like me doesn't need breaks"

"It's raining today! I thought it was supposed to be 107 degrees!"--Abbie 

"God must have changed his mind"--Jace

"That is computer-mated" --Jace
"Do you mean animated? Photoshopped? Computer-mated is not a word"--Me

**Yesterday we got Jace's immunizations - his polio and chicken pox. We had to fax it to his school so Jace said, "Are they not letting you chicken pox it?" instead of "fax it" hahaha

"You don't have any printer juice"--Jace

 "Who is the quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks?" --Me

"Rick Ross"--Jace

"Is Mother Nature a real person?" --Jace 

"Well...I guess I'm a stray dog." 

"I can smell Falcon (my nephew). I can smell his identity." --jace 

I was reading through one of Jaces reports he was doing and he put a # sign and I asked him what that meant and he said "It's a hashtag. Hashtag they all died." And I had to explain to him that we cant use hashtags in reports 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I don't know if we are parenting right or wrong hahahaha 

"What if there was someone with an open lip, crumbled teeth disease?" --Jace 

"Did you get the blueberry phone?" --Jace

"The BlackBerry? Haha"-- Me

"Do you want to color?" -Me

"My hands are not in the mood"--Jace 

"I'm an omelet, Abbie" --Jace

"I had to flush the toilet while pooping because I thought I heard someone talking downstairs. Unless there was a person in the toilet." --Jace 

"I like burping" --Jace

*Working on a state puzzle*

*Picked up the Illinois piece*

*Jace tries to pronounce it, "Aliens!"*

"This is fake drip" 

"Slice cheese just hits differently" 

"Abbie, have you ever wanted to talk to your food?"

"I don't like finding things" 

"If we get a dog I want to name it 2052 with an exclamation point" 

"Ha I'm so funny" 

"Would you rather live in the country or in the city?" --Me
"The city" --Jace
"You don't like hearing the birds and the peacefulness?"--Me
"Nope, I like hearing car horns honking" --Jace

"Look at this handsome boy" --Jace as he comes out with a tank top over his sweatshirt and shorts

"Do you ever just want to eat a block of cheese?" 

"I can't say anything....I'm on mute" --Jace

Jace was looking at himself in the mirror this morning and making weird noises. I asked him what hr was doing and he said "Rolling my R's" lol 🤣🤣

*I'm giving Jace compliments and letting him know how kind he is*

"Where is this leading? You seem very suspicious" --Jace

*Jace and I were talking about wisdom teeth*
"You don't feel it Jace, they knock you out" --Me
"Do they bring Mohammed Ali in?" --Jace as he imitates punching his own face

"I'm starting to grow big fingers now" --Jace

We are driving and Jace is singing 

"This rocky road gives me autotune"

"You know the saying, 'Lose the weight and there's no bait" --Jace
*I don't know that saying*

"I just brain farted" 

"Say yes to prop27"

"Do you remember when dad dropped his wiener in the trash can and had to get a new one?"

"What else is in January?" -- Me to Jace as I'm filling out my planner
"The 4th of July..."--Jace 

"If you could be a vehicle, what vehicle would you be?" -- Jace to me

"That was sus(pect)" --me

"Sus? That was so 2021" --Jace 

*Me using an eyebrow pencil*

"Are you putting eyebrows on your eyebrow?"--Jace

---‐----

"Sometimes my tongue won't stay in my mouth."

"When I grow up, I want to be one singular spaghetti noodle" --Jace

🤣🤣🤣🤣

----------------------------

"Jace do you want some of this salad?" -me

"No I'm on a diet" -Jace 

"Do you know what else I want for my birthday?" --Jace
"Jace, do you think you deserve all of the toys??"--Me
"No" --Jace
"You're supposed to say yes!"--Me

"What are we having for dinner?" --Jace
"Pot Roast" --Me
"You smell like pot" --Jace

"Is this chicken breastless? I mean boneless?" --Jace

I'm gonna go check on my game. But I gotta smell my feet first" --Jace

"I wish my nipples were pointy. When they are pointy, I can make them be a pop it and push on them. Instead they are flat" 

"Jace, you need to take a chill pill" --me
"Are those real?"--Jace

"Who were you on the phone with? The government?" --Jace to me

"I don't do meditation, I'm always crazy" --Jace

*Jace is unloading the dishwasher, which he hates and he accidently drops a fork on the ground*
"What do I do with this?"--Jace
"Put it back in the dishwasher"--Me
"You know what, I should just drop all the forks on the floor"--Jace

"I wish I was a whopper" --Jace

"I hope your feet get pinched by a lobster" --Jace to me

*Jace has his blanket behind him*

"What are you doing?" Me

"I'm comfyman (instead of superman)" Jace

"So what happens when you lose your cape?" Me

"Then I just become a regular citizen" Jace

"Don't laugh at me or my inner wolf will appear" --Jace 

"I don't understand it sometimes" --Me about Jace being outside for 6 minutes
"I don't understand me either sometimes" --Jace

Jace put his feet on the ottoman and said "What are the name of your feet when they are in the wilderness (aka no socks on)? Mine are named Jeff and Richard" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 This boy kills me 

"Today must be free movie Thursday" --Jace

"Did you just make that up?"--Me
"Yes" --Jace

The way he said it sounded like it was a real thing! 

--------------------------

"This color is gold"--Jace
"No, Jace, it's silver" --Me
"You are seeing silver because you have your glasses on"--Jace
"So do you!!"--Me

"When you marry my dad, your neck will be made out of silly string like mine. It runs in the family"--Jace to me

"You're a grown woman, you can say whatever you want" --Jace to me

"I just sneezed in Russian"

'"Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the ex's bite" --Jace 

"Do you want deez nuts?" --Jace as he hands me almonds

"I sharted you" --Jace telling me about his dream and how I turned into a tree monster and he meant to say "I shot you" 

"There are no main characters in this game. Jesus is the only main character"--Jace

"I'm going into my secret comfy man laboratory" --Jace

I'm not ticklish anymore. I changed my ways. I'm a changed man

"I think grandma had too many Redbulls" --Jace

"It didn't come with extructions" (instructions lol) --Jace

"My thinker is not thinkering" --Jace